The Wilderness of Infertility

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Today, I have invited a precious friend, Crystal Morales, to share on the blog her personal story of infertility. I love the lessons of faith Crystal has picked up along her journey, and I am beyond happy at where her journey has led her. I hope this encourages and sparks hope in your heart today.


“Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.”

–John Piper

For as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I had a plan for my life. I would get married in my early twenties, have my first baby at twenty-five, have two more kids after that – each two years apart.

My husband and I would be the best parents, raise our children in the fear of the Lord, and live happily ever after…

I am now thirty-two years old and have no children.

My husband, Elliot, and I were married eleven years ago on April 23, 2005.  A few weeks after our wedding, we moved to North Carolina so that he could attend Bible College for three years.

We weren’t on birth control, but did not have plans on getting pregnant while he was in school. We thought, “This is great. God knows we don’t want kids right now, so He’s preventing it for this season!”

Three years past, Elliot finished school and we knew we really wanted to get pregnant. But, year after year passed, and still nothing.

We had an idea that something was wrong with Elliot’s body, but we continued to pray and trust God. We visited a doctor, but there weren’t any clear answers. We continued to hope and pray for God to bring healing.

Throughout this time, many of our single friends met their mates and began to have babies. The community we were a part of was full of pregnant women EVERYWHERE!

With every pregnancy announcement came more tears and questioning God.

“Why haven’t you healed Elliot’s body?! Why won’t you bless my womb?”

 Rejoicing when others rejoiced became really difficult. Every invitation to a baby shower was a stab in my heart. Every time someone asked, “When are you two having kids?” I wanted to scream and punch them in the face. The pain of infertility was so great a burden to bear.

And yet, God used our infertility to reveal so much of what was inside of my heart—the things deep down that no one else could see.

Infertility became the wilderness in which I was tested.

My reactions were tested – was I going to murmur and complain, or trust God and continue to find things in my life to be grateful for.

Through the years I have learned what I believe to be one of the most important lessons in my walk with the Lord; and that is to run to God with my pain.

It sounds simple but I can list lots of things I ran to in order to hide or numb my pain. Some of which caused even more pain—but God. God, with His tender love and mercy met me in my pain.

He has always been there to woo me back to Himself, to whisper kindly to my heart and reassure me that He is a GOOD, GOOD Father.

The enemy will use situations in our life to try to get us to doubt God, to question His love and care for us. It started way back in the garden and continues today – “Did God REALLY say….?” 

In the wilderness I have learned to fight.

To fight with the Word of God.

To fight by worshipping.

To fight by declaring the promises of God.

To fight with my tears, weeping at His feet and bringing my pain to Him instead of running from Him.

And I have found, without fail, He is always faithful to meet me.  He might not always tell me what I want to hear, but He is always there to comfort me.

It is in the wilderness that I have felt the nearness of God.  It is in the wilderness that I have learned more about who He is and fallen more deeply in love with Him.  It is in the wilderness that my heart was laid bare before Him and He dealt tenderly with me.

Today, we are happy to say that we are in the middle of adopting a domestic newborn child 🙂 . We have just had our first home study meeting and have two more left to go before we are approved to adopt! We know that this process of adoption was not “Plan B”, but it was God’s “Plan A” for us all along and we can’t wait to see it all unfold as we walk into His season of promise.

                                                                                                                           

About the Author:

“Crystal Morales and her husband, Elliot, currently live in South Dakota and minister on the Pine Ridge reservation to the Lakota people. They are involved in discipleship, Bible study and jail ministry as well as various other things including working with the local church.”1

You can visit Crystal’s blog by clicking here.

If you would like to help Crystal & Elliot bring their baby home, you can help in more ways than one:

  • You can PRAY! Pray that the adoption process would be smooth and expedient.
  • You can GIVE! You can donate towards the adoption costs by visiting www.fire-international.org/donate.php. Enter in your donation amount (anything helps), and type Morales Adoption in the comment box.

 

1About the Author information taken from http://fire-international.org/missionaries_detail-page2.php?id=52

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